He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Welcome blog hoppers! I’m so excited to be participating in my very first blog hop! I found the OBS via a devotional just a few weeks ago and continued to follow the blog and read all the comments. I sat through chapter 9 without participating at all…just reading. But that was enough to know I wanted to be a part of this. So here I am. It’s time to stop sitting on the sidelines and start taking action and participating!
In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ~ James 2:17
I recently found myself at the end of my rope and in such despair. I was so broken, but that brokenness came from the shame, guilt, regret, and the simple and pure knowledge that I knew what I did was wrong and so very sinful. I wondered if you do something so deliberately wrong can you still be forgiven? I tried to tell myself I could, but I still didn’t “feel” forgiven. Guilt took over and that little voice continued to remind me of what I did.
My breaking point was near…but I was still too stubborn. I didn’t feel as if I could go before God. I was trying to figure out a way to forgive myself first. Then, I would go to God. But the pain and hurt was increasing and consuming me. So I turned to the internet and searched “forgiveness”. I wanted to see if this sin could really be forgiven. I was beyond sorry for what I did, and knew in the deepest place of my heart and soul that I would never fall to that temptation again. I knew I could not declare that I would never sin again, but I knew I would never willingly commit this act of betrayal again.
My search revealed what I truly had hoped for…I could be forgiven and all I had to do was ask. My sin had already been paid for, but I needed to confess my wrongdoing to God, repent, and accept His forgiveness through nothing more than His grace. It was the greatest gift I could ask for…and it would be granted. Of course, I wanted to make sure, so I search a little more and continued to find the same answer. I needed to present myself to God and confess to Him and ask for forgiveness and then guidance and help to walk the path He has paved for me…not the path I want.
My breaking point was close. I could feel it…and then it just happened. I ended up on a website that simply had a “verse of the day” front and center on the home page. And the tears began to stream uncontrollably. I was alone in the house…but also alone in spirit. I could no longer even take a step with what I was carrying around. God’s hand was pushing so hard and the weight was more than I could take.
I went to my bedroom, dropped to my knees and for the first time in I don’t how long, I talked to God. Although I could barely talk through all the tears, I felt the slightest bit of comfort start to come over me. I asked God to forgive me….and He said ok, and did. My breaking point was the moment I could no longer stay silent. I needed help. The pressure was too much, the guilt overwhelming, the regret and shame were unbearable. I wanted to heal…I wanted to be healed and move forward. My way wouldn’t work anymore…so I turned to God.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God ~Ephesians 2:8
As I dried my tears, picked myself up and looked in the mirror, I realized I had fallen so far and the climb back up wasn’t going to be easy, but for the first time I realized there was an “up”. I didn’t have to stay on the bottom and feel so worthless. To God, I was worth saving. I am His child and His love is unconditional. And yet I did nothing to deserve it. I couldn’t even honor God as He wants…I didn’t know where to begin. So, looking in the mirror, I simply asked God to show me what to do next.
So, I went back to the internet and I found myself on a website that offered what seemed to be endless daily emails that would deliver scripture and devotionals. Some names I recognized, others were new to me, but I wanted something to read on a daily basis to help guide this walk I now found myself taking. Although I reached my breaking point, and felt I was starting on that path…something was still missing. I still had this feeling of being so alone.
The next morning I had two emails that had the exact same devotional, “I Can’t Forgive Myself” by Suzie Eller.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ~1 John 1:9 (NIV)
Ok…I did that, but why couldn’t I move on? And as I read that devotional, I realized what I didn’t do…I needed to believe it. I simply needed to believe and accept God’s forgiveness. I couldn’t move on without doing that!
That was my “breakthrough” and where my healing began. Accepting forgiveness was the only way to move forward. I was on my way up! God had been there at my lowest point, broke me, but helped me up and showed me that I didn’t have to stay there.
“Remember, the Bible does not teach that if a man falls down, he can never rise again. The fact that he falls is not the most important thing—but rather that he is forgiven and allows God to lift him up.” – A.W. Tozer
And so today, I find myself walking a very different path. Yes, I still feel that guilt and regret and shame…but if I didn’t, I would be tempted to go back to where I was…and I don’t ever want to. My breaking point and breakthrough were desperately needed…and I am so thankful to God for them.
Dear God, Thank you so much for never giving up on me when I so deliberately walked away from You. I am so grateful that You stayed by my side and protected me while I was being so reckless. Help guide me on the path You created for me to walk and help open my heart. Help me to remember that I am forever Your child and that Your way is the only way. And when I do get a little off track, please help me to be broken so that I can once again find myself and find my way back to You. In Jesus name, Amen.